more hours in a day

I have been feeling a bit over whelmed lately. There are so many things I would like to do, but so little time...and when I do have time right now it goes to little ones. They are only little this once so I don't want to wish that away. I just wish I could somehow have more hours in a day.

naughty or nice

I was shopping at Wal-mart today, picking up a couple of groceries, odds and ends, and an oil change. As I was finishing things up, bringing them to a close, I found myself in the auto department. While waiting in line to pay my dues I noticed another customer. She looked familiar to me.

This customer had a red and white checkered bob with a grey skater cap. She was dressed in a light grunge. As I inconspicuously eyed her I decided I must have known her from Cosmetology. Her hair gave that much away.

My mind was filled with all of these memories. Catty girls, how could they have been raised in the same world as myself. Many of these girls had problems with drugs, alcohol, and chastity. They would come to school after the weekends bragging of parties, which guys they had slept with, and what girls they had beat up. They were like a whole other breed to me. They were foreign, a cast I had only thought existed in the movies.

Many of these girls had sent around a petition trying to get me kicked out of school. It intrigued me on why they would go through such pains for someone who had merely tried to treat them as human beings, with higher expectations for them as individuals than what they had for themselves, or from others at that matter. They would steel from me, they butchered my hair, and did all they could to try and make me leave.

During this era of my life one of the only things that kept me hanging on was the fact that the school was owned by some Christians. Twice a week they would hold a Bible study for those of us who needed strength in the middle of the week. Of the 120 pupils that attended this school, there were only 3-5 that attended Bible Study at any time. Girls sneered at us as we left the room in the mornings. You can imagine what their creative minds would conjure throughout the day in our behalves.

These memories were pouring into my mind as I tried to remember where she would have fit in all of these thoughts. My mind was racing. I didn't have a desire to be rude nor false towards her. As we spoke we decided we weren't in the same group, she was in one that had begun a year before my own group. To my relief it has came to my mind since our parting that she was one of the girls from Bible Study. I wish I had been warmer to her today, just so she would know I appreciated her back then.

triggered memory

Reading an over heard phone conversation reminded me of an experience a room-mate of mine had had. It happened at Wal-mart in a public bathroom with my roomie doing her best to mind her own business. Her experience went something like this:

other stall: Hello!, how are you?

my roomie: uh...fine I guess, how are you?

other stall: great! what have you been up to today?

my roomie: um...well, work, school and now picking up a couple things...

other stall: can I call you back, the girl in the stall next to me thinks I am talking to her.

My roomie wanted to die...but had to laugh about it later. You have to admit that is something that can only happen in public restrooms!

Dang!

Well, I have been suckered into being the most recent fan-club member I know to the Twilight series! Admitting this is...well, dang it. I stayed up and had the book read in just over twenty-four hours! I was mesmerized!

Originally I had no desire to read it, I am not into Vampires! I am not much into romances, having my own little romance who needs to read a fictional one. My honest thought was "this book is for single girls who live off books to experience life." I decided I would prove to my sisters and daughter that I could read the book and put it down. Putting the book down was easy...for a moment, but I was dying to see what happened next just by reading the Prologue. Dang again!

Blessings

I need to let you know how blessed I have been. And am.

This past week I was on vacation visiting family and friends. I wrote about tender mercies. Let me share some of the tender mercies I experienced with family.

The first weekend I was there I was able to enjoy with my two oldest girls and their roomie. It was not only pleasant and rejuvenating, but so enjoyable. It was fun to see them and my two little ones interact. As a step-mom it is easy to worry about how your little ones will be accepted. Especially with the age difference. My girls invited their little sister to run errands with them, she felt like a little queen. She loves and looks up to her two big sisters.

I had the time to eat with my sisters and brother-in-laws, it was a fun evening, I enjoyed. Apparently my little princess did to, she was the entertainment for us and the restaurant staff.
Later in the week I was able to have a girls night out with my sisters. We enjoyed being able to spend time together. I miss their friendships at times. It seems as we get older the time we spend together is more cherished because with children and distance it is less frequent. Then there is the part where we have an age range of children that demands a bit of our time even when we have that time together.

The time with my parents was precious. I want my children to have memories they can enjoy of their grandparents. My little girl loves to tease with her grandma-daddy. That is the name she has given grandpa. Grandma-mommy does her job also very well, she spoils the dickens out of the children. I am blessed to have good parents who love their children and grand-children. I also cherish the time I get to spend with them.

The greatest blessing of the whole trip was the return home! I saw this tall handsome man of a man walking up to me as I entered the train station. He had his warm smile and arms open and ready to receive me. I hate to say it but I think I married the best man out there. I am one lucky woman! and not because he told me so.

This afternoon when our teenage son came home for lunch, it melted my heart to hear the excitement in his voice when he saw his little sister and ran and they both embraced. later when we picked up our youngest of the older boys he and my little girl were so excited to see each other! I am one lucky woman to be a part of such a great family! I am truly blessed!

rays of sunshine in place of expected showers

This week I decided it would be a good time to come out and visit my family. The question was, what type of transportation. Plane, train or automobile? I have two little ones in tow. If I were to drive I would have my own transportation the whole trip. Con, I would be driving with a two year old and a four month old meaning that twelve hours could easily become many more. Plane would only take two hours. Con, a layover in Denver, extremely tight quarters and no transportation. Thus we decided on the train.

The train would take a total of twenty hours. But there would be plenty more leg room, my two year-old would be able to roam freely as needed, we could eat, drink and potty as well and without worry of it prolonging the length of our trip too much. And to top things off we would be able to enjoy the beautiful scenery along the way!

We made plans for renting a car and went as far as to line up two car seats for the kiddies, to save my back with loading and unloading the train with my children and goods. I was excited and revving to go! This was going to be a great and exciting adventure!

As time began to wind down for this trip I began to have some realities sink in. First and foremost I would have to hold my four month-old for twenty hours. Second, entertaining a two year-old for a majority of that time might become a challenge. Then there was the dilemma of going to the bathroom, it nearly looked out of the picture, where would I put the baby while doing my thing? How would I carry both of them and my luggage on and off the train? What have I got myself into?

Well, the tickets were bought and payed for. No turning back, what is twenty hours in the scheme of life anyway? Only a life time in an eternity right?

So I boarded to train at 3:40 am (yes that is correct, in the morning) tired and ready to drop into my seat. With the help of the conductor I was able to do so with ease. Tender mercy number one. After a couple hours of sleep the other passengers began to rouse. To the right of me was a couple from Missouri Headed for Colorado to see their grand-children. Catty-corner to the front of us was a Hispanic mother and her two children. Her children were well behaved. I found they were 8 and 6 years of age, they too were heading to Colorado to see their father.

As the day wore on I met a young man in the seat in front of me. He looked familiar to me. He was from Hastings and heading for Utah also. It turned out he had worked at the Target in Kearney for only a short period, then he has returned to Hastings. I was racking my brains trying to figure out how I might have known this young man when this memory came to mind.

It was shortly after I had my second Little one. I had finally worked up my nerve, the nerve to go to a public place on my own with two little ones. I realize that sounds a bit silly now. Any way, I decided to go to Target to run my errands. After looking for a couple of eternities I could not find what I had gone in search for. Looking every where for an employee to help, one was finally found unloading boxes. He had bleached shaggy hair, and an earring. My first thought was "this kid is going to be annoyed I'm asking for help."

To my great astonishment I was incorrect in my judgement. He turned around with the kindest and warm smile, said "Sure!" , and instead of just telling me where to find it, he took me to it and then asked if there was anything else he could help me with before heading back to his work.

This may sound a bit silly but this young man had totally made my day. I had gone to find him later to thank him for his warm smile and kindness, but never saw him again. That is until this trip on the train. My friend in the seat in front of me was this young man from Target. Tender mercy number two.

When the train reached Denver, we lost the couple sitting next to me. In exchange a rough looking gentleman heading for California came in and a bowling league heading for a tournament in Vegas. The Gentleman, Richard, was just that. When my two little ones were resting, and I needed a restroom stop he was perfectly willing to keep an eye on them for me. As long as they didn't cause him any trouble. He was going to visit his daughter and help her through some rough times.

The bowling league consisted of seven or eight couples. Diane the youngest of the group stopped by my seat and admired how well my two little ones were behaving. She then sent the other ladies over to "see these two most adorable children" they would come over and talk with my little girl and coo with my boy.

The gentlemen from the group sat behind me discussing today's politics. I absolutely loved listening to them! It was like having my husband and a friend of ours on the train! If you are interested in the views they shared you can read my husbands blog thoughtsofabeancounter@blogspot.com . This bowling league was my tender mercy three. For when I reached my stop in Utah, they were all willing to help me unload my sleeping babies and our luggage.

To make an end I must say that my trip by train was not as bleak as I had imagined it might have been. Instead of rain clouds, there were only rays of sunshine.

I am "the wicked Step-mother of Doom!"

A while back I had begun a book. I was going to title it 'The Wicked Step-Mother of Doom.' That was the title given to me the first week of my marriage by, at the time, our 7 year old son. He was creative in drawing me. The picture had me sneering with angry eye brows and my arms stretched out as if ready to grab and eat the first person to cross my path. He just knew that is how I would be. He was no dummie, he had watched Cinderella, Snow White and the Parent Trap. He was in for it.

So, I began my book. After writting several chapters, pouring into its pages my whole heart and soul, a cousin of mine asked to critique it for me. I had nothing to hide. I had written some of my greatest fears, immense frustrations and high flying triumphs. The feelings I had written were real. I wanted to reach out to other wicked step-mothers who may be having the same experiences and feeling they were alone in those moments. Those eternal instances where you feel like you are being ganged up on, criticized, or like "maybe I wasn't really doing the right thing by joining this family, was I being selfish?"

After reading only the first chapter my cousin turned to me and told me that my book was nothing new, every mother experiences this. What!? This was all new to me! It would be new to those other step-mothers I was reaching out to touch! Her response devistated me, I let her comment slow down my writting, maybe I wouldn't make the difference I had hoped. Maybe I was the only one who felt like I did. If this was the case then truely 'why waste my time and their money, right?'

Since then I have thought about what she had said. It has rolled in and out of my mind. Actually it was probablly some of the best criticsim I have ever recieved. It has helped me through some of those rough times. If this isn't new to someone who has always been a mother, than it certainly isn't meant to be directed at me personally as a step-mother. Then I began to take that thought even a step further. These kids must look at me somewhat as a mother figure otherwise they wouldn't take the time to treat me as they would their own mother. Hmmm...this had to be taken as a sincere compliment!

So now, when they call me "the wicked step-mother of doom" we all chuckle. But inside I am feeling as if they just gave me the biggest king-size hug they could muster. Honestly, I can still say Being a step mother has its ups and downs, that is no lie, or even exageration. But, when I remember that "this is nothing new" it helps those downs feel much lighter and not quite so deep.