At times I feel like the odds are overwhelmingly against me. This whole stepmother thing really stinks at times. First of all Disney paints us all to be selfish hags. Then there are the step parents who live up to that portrayal and then some. Finally, there is the picture the children paint for themselves.
The last of these is the hardest to disprove, because your motives aren't possibly and simply because you care for that child. Some how they have this warped concept it is only to make yourself look good in the public eye.
I don't believe I am the only step parent who feels this way. Deep down, I think there are many step parents out there who care for the children that have been placed in their care just as their own. Five of these children have been placed in my stewardship. All different ages, thank goodness, and each with different needs.
When I married my husband I knew it would be an adjustment. Not just for myself but for the children. However, what I find to be interesting is that the one child I thought would be easier for me isn't. With this one child I had some history and thought it might be to my favor if I dare. maybe that is why it hurts more when this child does little jabs here and there. It is done subtly and possible with out intention.
I realize these children hurt. They have lost their mother, their friend and confidante. Nobody can take her place. Nobody can erase her either. She has left a piece of herself with each of her children, whether through looks, attitude, testimony, love for history, or love for animals. I see and recognize her hand in their up bringing.
For the record, I am not trying to erase her or take her place. I am not trying to take credit for the raising she has done. Any one who knows of our situation knows this. Any one who knows the older children would also know there is no way I could be their mother seeing how there is only a seven year difference between the eldest and myself.
I guess the reason I am writing this is that if I put it out there people can know they aren't alone. On either side of the situation. The problem with this is it is one sided, you don't have the perspective of the children and young adults involved and neither do I. With that lack of information I am sure there have been many times I have stepped on toes. For this reason that is why I have felt like my toes have been stepped on as well.
One thing I find intriguing is, everyone warns you when you marry that your spouse will be from a different upbringing, you both will have to meet in the middle. What I never realized is that when you marry into a premade family, you aren't just getting one different upbringing but as many as there are individuals. Everyone has a different understanding, a different way of dealing with things, even when they are raised by the same two individuals. Some of these differences come from age and experience, some from perspective and personal value. What ever it is, the same situation when presented can be understood so differently.
I should have noticed this before in my own up bringing. Each of my siblings and I have such different perspectives on how we were raised and things we experienced together, there are things I remember that my siblings don't and vice versa. we perceived things so differently it amazes me at times. But any way, continuing with the original purpose of this entry...
Life isn't all about me, I am finding that out more and more each day. With that being the case, can I put it out there that even though it isn't all about me, I do have feelings. Sometimes I react to those feelings rather than act on them as I should. But I do have feelings all the same. I do my best to remember that these children have feelings as well.
Sometimes I wish I could just put my feelings aside. I think it might make life easier. But then people would think I was insensitive. Sometimes I feel like it is lose, lose. Then I remember there is someone who experienced it all with me. That brings me comfort. Thank you for your time and have a good night.
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Monday, July 13, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Modern day Convinience?
It is funny, this afternoon a neighbor was over for only a moment and we were talking. It happens that the subject was about the exact same thing that was talked about in Relief Society this past weekend. The topic was actually broader in Relief Society, but one part stood out for me.
The topic that impressed me was about how impersonal people are becoming. It is easy to IM someone, e-mail, facebook, or even text. While these things are quick and easy it is amazing how impersonal it is. We have people faking identities, and everything out there. It is easier to be a friend from a distance almost.
I find it funny and have to laugh, because while the lesson was being taught, a friend turned to me and said something to the effect "I guess I won't be facebooking you anymore." to which I replied "I was just thinking the same thing, only of myself." The funny thing is I got a message from her a day later asking how things are going... and get this, I replied...lol!
Last week I was talking to a fellow stay-at-home mother and commenting how easy it is to lose track of time when I am away from the children, even for just a moment. I get caught up in relating stories from the week, or just talking about things a two or nearly one year old can't quite grasp.
Any way, my neighbor and I were discussing how important it is the whole personal contact thing. The whole interaction thing, its good. When you are talking face to face you can see their joys, sadness, everything that only body language can tell! besides that, a real hug means so much more sometimes than the *hug* you can get via visual...whatever.
I am ashamed to say that for me, many times I use these modern day conveniences only to simplify. Don't get me wrong, that is what we are instructed to do right? Simplify our lives, that is what we are constantly being told. But sometimes it is easier to send a message than to take the time to call someone up, and chat about the weather, politics or whatever may come to mind. I am only talking for myself, so please don't take this like I am thinking of 'you'.
I do have to say I am not going against this entirely, because, it is so much easier to spend what little precious time I have with my little ones, because I am told time and time again how quickly it will pass. However, I am going to make more of an effort to contact people in person rather than by texting, messaging, etc. I realize this isn't going to be perfect, because of modern day conveniences I live further from my family, and our older children live further from us, but, there are things I can do differently.
I can take a moment to pick up a phone for those distant, and those closer, make an effort to stop by when I am in the area.
There you have it my thoughts as of late, cherio and have a wondermous day!
The topic that impressed me was about how impersonal people are becoming. It is easy to IM someone, e-mail, facebook, or even text. While these things are quick and easy it is amazing how impersonal it is. We have people faking identities, and everything out there. It is easier to be a friend from a distance almost.
I find it funny and have to laugh, because while the lesson was being taught, a friend turned to me and said something to the effect "I guess I won't be facebooking you anymore." to which I replied "I was just thinking the same thing, only of myself." The funny thing is I got a message from her a day later asking how things are going... and get this, I replied...lol!
Last week I was talking to a fellow stay-at-home mother and commenting how easy it is to lose track of time when I am away from the children, even for just a moment. I get caught up in relating stories from the week, or just talking about things a two or nearly one year old can't quite grasp.
Any way, my neighbor and I were discussing how important it is the whole personal contact thing. The whole interaction thing, its good. When you are talking face to face you can see their joys, sadness, everything that only body language can tell! besides that, a real hug means so much more sometimes than the *hug* you can get via visual...whatever.
I am ashamed to say that for me, many times I use these modern day conveniences only to simplify. Don't get me wrong, that is what we are instructed to do right? Simplify our lives, that is what we are constantly being told. But sometimes it is easier to send a message than to take the time to call someone up, and chat about the weather, politics or whatever may come to mind. I am only talking for myself, so please don't take this like I am thinking of 'you'.
I do have to say I am not going against this entirely, because, it is so much easier to spend what little precious time I have with my little ones, because I am told time and time again how quickly it will pass. However, I am going to make more of an effort to contact people in person rather than by texting, messaging, etc. I realize this isn't going to be perfect, because of modern day conveniences I live further from my family, and our older children live further from us, but, there are things I can do differently.
I can take a moment to pick up a phone for those distant, and those closer, make an effort to stop by when I am in the area.
There you have it my thoughts as of late, cherio and have a wondermous day!
Monday, May 4, 2009
Tender Mercies, the top Eight
I get caught up in the moment often and forget to recognize the blessings I have so I thought I would take a moment to remember.
1. I have a wonderful husband who loves and adores myself and our children. He has made it possible that I can be a stay at home mom and watch our children grow. He provides all our family needs to be happy and for some of our wants as well. He honors his priesthood, and gives his best at home, work,and church. What an example to our children!
2. Our oldest has many talents. she loves her siblings whole heartedly and is setting a great example. She cares for everyone around her and wants them all to be happy. Did I mention she is a great cook, and I love visiting her, or having her home. I know mostly selfish on my part, cause I like her cooking.
3. Our second is just as talented in her own areas. She loves helping the underdog. She is quite, but her example also speaks louder than words. She has great self-control and discipline. I love when she calls home and shares her little stories of life's adventures.
4. Our third is in Brazil serving and loving the same people I grew attached to not so long ago. He is setting the example for his younger brothers to work whole heartedly for the Lord, and his sisters, that there are still great guys out there.
5. Our fourth has a creative mind, he is writing a book and loves to share his ideas with his father and I. He loves playing with his younger siblings and relates well with his older siblings, they even come to him for advise. As have I, he is a wise boy for his age.
6. Our fifth has a heart of gold. He is sensitive to his younger siblings and those around him. More than once I have found a vase full of flowers he has hand picked just for me. I am going to miss that down the road when he has grown and moved on, though he promises he will always be here.
7. My sixth little blessing is a match for me when it comes to wills. She has a beautiful smile and loves to make her little brother laugh! She does everything number five likes to do. She looks up to her siblings with adoration. Also, she gives the best ever hugs! She has the vocab of a teen I swear.
8. My seventh blessing is beginning to walk along furniture, he has a smile that would melt any ones heart. I think he is going to be a tender hearted little tyke like our heart of gold. He loves to sing when others are singing. And my favorite is that he loves to cuddle and to be cuddled.
These are my greatest blessings! You can see how blessed I am, there are times I need to remind myself of these blessings. It is easy when I get caught up in a moment of stinky underpants, sibling rivalry, or just the day to day mundane to forget how truly blessed I am.
Of coarse I could go on and on, the blessing of our free country, the freedom to worship, of speech, and voice. There are so many things I take for granted at one time or another. But these are my top eight blessings.
1. I have a wonderful husband who loves and adores myself and our children. He has made it possible that I can be a stay at home mom and watch our children grow. He provides all our family needs to be happy and for some of our wants as well. He honors his priesthood, and gives his best at home, work,and church. What an example to our children!
2. Our oldest has many talents. she loves her siblings whole heartedly and is setting a great example. She cares for everyone around her and wants them all to be happy. Did I mention she is a great cook, and I love visiting her, or having her home. I know mostly selfish on my part, cause I like her cooking.
3. Our second is just as talented in her own areas. She loves helping the underdog. She is quite, but her example also speaks louder than words. She has great self-control and discipline. I love when she calls home and shares her little stories of life's adventures.
4. Our third is in Brazil serving and loving the same people I grew attached to not so long ago. He is setting the example for his younger brothers to work whole heartedly for the Lord, and his sisters, that there are still great guys out there.
5. Our fourth has a creative mind, he is writing a book and loves to share his ideas with his father and I. He loves playing with his younger siblings and relates well with his older siblings, they even come to him for advise. As have I, he is a wise boy for his age.
6. Our fifth has a heart of gold. He is sensitive to his younger siblings and those around him. More than once I have found a vase full of flowers he has hand picked just for me. I am going to miss that down the road when he has grown and moved on, though he promises he will always be here.
7. My sixth little blessing is a match for me when it comes to wills. She has a beautiful smile and loves to make her little brother laugh! She does everything number five likes to do. She looks up to her siblings with adoration. Also, she gives the best ever hugs! She has the vocab of a teen I swear.
8. My seventh blessing is beginning to walk along furniture, he has a smile that would melt any ones heart. I think he is going to be a tender hearted little tyke like our heart of gold. He loves to sing when others are singing. And my favorite is that he loves to cuddle and to be cuddled.
These are my greatest blessings! You can see how blessed I am, there are times I need to remind myself of these blessings. It is easy when I get caught up in a moment of stinky underpants, sibling rivalry, or just the day to day mundane to forget how truly blessed I am.
Of coarse I could go on and on, the blessing of our free country, the freedom to worship, of speech, and voice. There are so many things I take for granted at one time or another. But these are my top eight blessings.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Resolutions
It has been a good week. A busy one and fun at the same time. As of late I have been trying to come up with some more exciting ways to entertain my little ones during the day. It seems a bit to easy these days to turn them over to the tube, then get my things done. I justified it because my daughter is learning about numbers, shapes, letters, and all of those good things as she watches say: Mickey Mouse Club House, Super Why, Word World. She is even learning a bit about people skills while watching things like: Miss Spider and Sunny Patch Friends, Oswald...there is a list I don't want to brag about, it's to long for a Two year old.
So I have come up with a few ideas.
I think I am going to do more crafts, she is a little artist, (there is proof of it all the way down my hall, and next to the piano.) We could cook together once in a while. Baking cookies, or my two year old's favorite, cupcakes! (I have to admit this one is hard for me, I work better as one in the kitchen.)
On nice sunny days I am going to do more outside activities(this is for me just as much as for my children) maybe going to the park, going on walks or simply playing in the yard.
Our local Library I am finding is a treasure trove for activities! They have things for all ages. Story Time, a family movie once a month. I am sure they have more, these are the ones I have only heard about.
My latest discovery is one I thought was out of reach. I found, to get a year round pass for my family at the Children's Museum isn't all that expensive. This would be a great rainy day activity, not only that, but the membership extends to out of state as well, so when we travel we would be able to have a free activity pretty much anywhere. Well except Battlemountain NV. I think it might be a bit too small.
And finally there is the one thing that I think is easiest to forget or simply put aside for another time, that is to get involved a bit more in their play. Most kids are content having you watch. I need to take time to sit down and read more, or play with my little munchkins, after all they aren't going to be little forever.
So I have come up with a few ideas.
I think I am going to do more crafts, she is a little artist, (there is proof of it all the way down my hall, and next to the piano.) We could cook together once in a while. Baking cookies, or my two year old's favorite, cupcakes! (I have to admit this one is hard for me, I work better as one in the kitchen.)
On nice sunny days I am going to do more outside activities(this is for me just as much as for my children) maybe going to the park, going on walks or simply playing in the yard.
Our local Library I am finding is a treasure trove for activities! They have things for all ages. Story Time, a family movie once a month. I am sure they have more, these are the ones I have only heard about.
My latest discovery is one I thought was out of reach. I found, to get a year round pass for my family at the Children's Museum isn't all that expensive. This would be a great rainy day activity, not only that, but the membership extends to out of state as well, so when we travel we would be able to have a free activity pretty much anywhere. Well except Battlemountain NV. I think it might be a bit too small.
And finally there is the one thing that I think is easiest to forget or simply put aside for another time, that is to get involved a bit more in their play. Most kids are content having you watch. I need to take time to sit down and read more, or play with my little munchkins, after all they aren't going to be little forever.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
The holidaze
Well, it's coming, ready or not! And it is coming quickly! Hold on to those hats! It is count down time for every child! Adults are also counting down the time though I think for intirely different reasons...okay some of them may be the same.
Yesterday I took my younger middle son to do some of his Christmas shopping! I love this time of year! I love to see my children's excitement! Not only do you see it in their eyes, but you hear it in their voices, and their sleep, it is almost crazy! Totally fun in the same note! They are fun to watch as they choose the perfect gift for each individual!
So, back to taking my son Christmas shopping. He had all of these great ideas for his siblings...the only problem is mullah! We started racking our brains for some ideas. He came up with some pretty great and creative ones, everyone will love them! When we returned home he was so excited, he wanted to wrap everything so no one would have a chance to peek at his brilliant finds!
After wrapping everything he went down to play with his older brother. I was taking care of the baby and thought nothing more of anything.
The next thing I know my two year old comes to me with all of the excitement she could muster! She was beaming and bubbling over with joy! I was beginning to feel just as excited! She pulled out from behind her all of her brothers gifts (unwrapped) and says "Yook what Yogan dave me! all of dees auo my pwessents!"
I have to say when big brother found out he was quick to take them back and to his room for safe keeping.
Oh how I love the Holidays! I can hardly wait to see what is next!
Yesterday I took my younger middle son to do some of his Christmas shopping! I love this time of year! I love to see my children's excitement! Not only do you see it in their eyes, but you hear it in their voices, and their sleep, it is almost crazy! Totally fun in the same note! They are fun to watch as they choose the perfect gift for each individual!
So, back to taking my son Christmas shopping. He had all of these great ideas for his siblings...the only problem is mullah! We started racking our brains for some ideas. He came up with some pretty great and creative ones, everyone will love them! When we returned home he was so excited, he wanted to wrap everything so no one would have a chance to peek at his brilliant finds!
After wrapping everything he went down to play with his older brother. I was taking care of the baby and thought nothing more of anything.
The next thing I know my two year old comes to me with all of the excitement she could muster! She was beaming and bubbling over with joy! I was beginning to feel just as excited! She pulled out from behind her all of her brothers gifts (unwrapped) and says "Yook what Yogan dave me! all of dees auo my pwessents!"
I have to say when big brother found out he was quick to take them back and to his room for safe keeping.
Oh how I love the Holidays! I can hardly wait to see what is next!
Monday, October 20, 2008
Blessings
I need to let you know how blessed I have been. And am.
This past week I was on vacation visiting family and friends. I wrote about tender mercies. Let me share some of the tender mercies I experienced with family.
The first weekend I was there I was able to enjoy with my two oldest girls and their roomie. It was not only pleasant and rejuvenating, but so enjoyable. It was fun to see them and my two little ones interact. As a step-mom it is easy to worry about how your little ones will be accepted. Especially with the age difference. My girls invited their little sister to run errands with them, she felt like a little queen. She loves and looks up to her two big sisters.
I had the time to eat with my sisters and brother-in-laws, it was a fun evening, I enjoyed. Apparently my little princess did to, she was the entertainment for us and the restaurant staff.
Later in the week I was able to have a girls night out with my sisters. We enjoyed being able to spend time together. I miss their friendships at times. It seems as we get older the time we spend together is more cherished because with children and distance it is less frequent. Then there is the part where we have an age range of children that demands a bit of our time even when we have that time together.
The time with my parents was precious. I want my children to have memories they can enjoy of their grandparents. My little girl loves to tease with her grandma-daddy. That is the name she has given grandpa. Grandma-mommy does her job also very well, she spoils the dickens out of the children. I am blessed to have good parents who love their children and grand-children. I also cherish the time I get to spend with them.
The greatest blessing of the whole trip was the return home! I saw this tall handsome man of a man walking up to me as I entered the train station. He had his warm smile and arms open and ready to receive me. I hate to say it but I think I married the best man out there. I am one lucky woman! and not because he told me so.
This afternoon when our teenage son came home for lunch, it melted my heart to hear the excitement in his voice when he saw his little sister and ran and they both embraced. later when we picked up our youngest of the older boys he and my little girl were so excited to see each other! I am one lucky woman to be a part of such a great family! I am truly blessed!
This past week I was on vacation visiting family and friends. I wrote about tender mercies. Let me share some of the tender mercies I experienced with family.
The first weekend I was there I was able to enjoy with my two oldest girls and their roomie. It was not only pleasant and rejuvenating, but so enjoyable. It was fun to see them and my two little ones interact. As a step-mom it is easy to worry about how your little ones will be accepted. Especially with the age difference. My girls invited their little sister to run errands with them, she felt like a little queen. She loves and looks up to her two big sisters.
I had the time to eat with my sisters and brother-in-laws, it was a fun evening, I enjoyed. Apparently my little princess did to, she was the entertainment for us and the restaurant staff.
Later in the week I was able to have a girls night out with my sisters. We enjoyed being able to spend time together. I miss their friendships at times. It seems as we get older the time we spend together is more cherished because with children and distance it is less frequent. Then there is the part where we have an age range of children that demands a bit of our time even when we have that time together.
The time with my parents was precious. I want my children to have memories they can enjoy of their grandparents. My little girl loves to tease with her grandma-daddy. That is the name she has given grandpa. Grandma-mommy does her job also very well, she spoils the dickens out of the children. I am blessed to have good parents who love their children and grand-children. I also cherish the time I get to spend with them.
The greatest blessing of the whole trip was the return home! I saw this tall handsome man of a man walking up to me as I entered the train station. He had his warm smile and arms open and ready to receive me. I hate to say it but I think I married the best man out there. I am one lucky woman! and not because he told me so.
This afternoon when our teenage son came home for lunch, it melted my heart to hear the excitement in his voice when he saw his little sister and ran and they both embraced. later when we picked up our youngest of the older boys he and my little girl were so excited to see each other! I am one lucky woman to be a part of such a great family! I am truly blessed!
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