Thoughts of a Wicked Step Mother

At times I feel like the odds are overwhelmingly against me. This whole stepmother thing really stinks at times. First of all Disney paints us all to be selfish hags. Then there are the step parents who live up to that portrayal and then some. Finally, there is the picture the children paint for themselves.

The last of these is the hardest to disprove, because your motives aren't possibly and simply because you care for that child. Some how they have this warped concept it is only to make yourself look good in the public eye.

I don't believe I am the only step parent who feels this way. Deep down, I think there are many step parents out there who care for the children that have been placed in their care just as their own. Five of these children have been placed in my stewardship. All different ages, thank goodness, and each with different needs.

When I married my husband I knew it would be an adjustment. Not just for myself but for the children. However, what I find to be interesting is that the one child I thought would be easier for me isn't. With this one child I had some history and thought it might be to my favor if I dare. maybe that is why it hurts more when this child does little jabs here and there. It is done subtly and possible with out intention.

I realize these children hurt. They have lost their mother, their friend and confidante. Nobody can take her place. Nobody can erase her either. She has left a piece of herself with each of her children, whether through looks, attitude, testimony, love for history, or love for animals. I see and recognize her hand in their up bringing.

For the record, I am not trying to erase her or take her place. I am not trying to take credit for the raising she has done. Any one who knows of our situation knows this. Any one who knows the older children would also know there is no way I could be their mother seeing how there is only a seven year difference between the eldest and myself.

I guess the reason I am writing this is that if I put it out there people can know they aren't alone. On either side of the situation. The problem with this is it is one sided, you don't have the perspective of the children and young adults involved and neither do I. With that lack of information I am sure there have been many times I have stepped on toes. For this reason that is why I have felt like my toes have been stepped on as well.

One thing I find intriguing is, everyone warns you when you marry that your spouse will be from a different upbringing, you both will have to meet in the middle. What I never realized is that when you marry into a premade family, you aren't just getting one different upbringing but as many as there are individuals. Everyone has a different understanding, a different way of dealing with things, even when they are raised by the same two individuals. Some of these differences come from age and experience, some from perspective and personal value. What ever it is, the same situation when presented can be understood so differently.

I should have noticed this before in my own up bringing. Each of my siblings and I have such different perspectives on how we were raised and things we experienced together, there are things I remember that my siblings don't and vice versa. we perceived things so differently it amazes me at times. But any way, continuing with the original purpose of this entry...

Life isn't all about me, I am finding that out more and more each day. With that being the case, can I put it out there that even though it isn't all about me, I do have feelings. Sometimes I react to those feelings rather than act on them as I should. But I do have feelings all the same. I do my best to remember that these children have feelings as well.

Sometimes I wish I could just put my feelings aside. I think it might make life easier. But then people would think I was insensitive. Sometimes I feel like it is lose, lose. Then I remember there is someone who experienced it all with me. That brings me comfort. Thank you for your time and have a good night.

It is a blessing to watch children grow and learn. I am learning this over and over again. I have seen the children in my stewardship sprout almost like weeds! I have a priviledge that many parent don't have. I have began with children, teens and young adults.

The eldest is discovering again and again who she is. Each time she shines a little more. She welcomes everyone and makes any one and everone comfortable. She would do anything for any of her friends or family. She loves to help others. She is sensitive to others and the spirit. Often times she wears herself on her sleeve. I admire this, because it can be hard to do. She confronts things, she doesnt let them get in the way or cause problems.

My red headed step child is very good with caring for those most would give up on. She does it every day in her day to day work. She puts on a hard outer shell, but I think she has to so she wont be eaten alive, for any of you who know her, she is a softy inside.

Both girls have high standards and are good examples to their younger siblings.

Our 21 year old is brilliant. Any who know him can't deni it. He is setting a comendable example for his younger siblings as well. He has never been afraid to stand up for what he believes. Nor ashamed. He has a good attitude and is a hard worker He takes what ever he does seriously and knows how to make it fun at the same time. He doesn't let others push him around.

My 17 year old, once awkward and a bit gangly has become quit a handsome young man. He takes the gospel seriously and lives life the best he can. He has an intelect beyond his years. Sometimes he blows me away with aconcept he shares. He continually amazes me. I couldn't trade him for any other teenager. I watch some and am reminded of how lucky I really am.

Our 11 year old is becoming quite the young man too! This past year he over came a fear of change and realized it can actually be quite fun. He has over come most of his fears regaurding water. He is diving and swimming like he never thought possible for himself. He has a tender spirit, he cares about those around him. He is a loyal friend to those who need a great friend and is sensitive to his younger siblings.

My 3 year old over came her fear of water today. Instead of clinging to me for dear life, she trusted me and tried to do some things on her own. I was looking at pictures today and it seems like just a month or two ago we were bringing her home.

My 1 year old is becoming more confident each day in his walking. Before I know it he will be chasing around with his older siblings, getting into mischief and tending to his curiosity, I will be in trouble then.

It ceases to amaze me at how time flies. I am sure I have said this before. In my barber chair I used to have older gentlemen always tell me that is was only going to pass more quickly. I hope with all hope that I will make the most of that time. My children are going to be small only once. They will be teens only once, each in their own modified version.

Sometimes in the day to day I forget how precious each moment can be and let it pass with out enjoying it. I hope I look back with more memories of them than not. I enjoy being included when they give me the chance. The moments the older ones share with me are cherished.

I know there are more times than not that they wish they had their mother instead, I hope they know that she is often by their side. She is still alive, only in spirit in stead. This makes her lucky in my book, it is easier for her to be there for everything important. She is a good mother, I see her teachings in her children. I see her love, her stubbornness, her desire to do good and make others feel of worth. All of her goodness is reflected through her children, old and young. I am so blessed to be a part of it. I just cant say it enough.