At times I feel like the odds are overwhelmingly against me. This whole stepmother thing really stinks at times. First of all Disney paints us all to be selfish hags. Then there are the step parents who live up to that portrayal and then some. Finally, there is the picture the children paint for themselves.
The last of these is the hardest to disprove, because your motives aren't possibly and simply because you care for that child. Some how they have this warped concept it is only to make yourself look good in the public eye.
I don't believe I am the only step parent who feels this way. Deep down, I think there are many step parents out there who care for the children that have been placed in their care just as their own. Five of these children have been placed in my stewardship. All different ages, thank goodness, and each with different needs.
When I married my husband I knew it would be an adjustment. Not just for myself but for the children. However, what I find to be interesting is that the one child I thought would be easier for me isn't. With this one child I had some history and thought it might be to my favor if I dare. maybe that is why it hurts more when this child does little jabs here and there. It is done subtly and possible with out intention.
I realize these children hurt. They have lost their mother, their friend and confidante. Nobody can take her place. Nobody can erase her either. She has left a piece of herself with each of her children, whether through looks, attitude, testimony, love for history, or love for animals. I see and recognize her hand in their up bringing.
For the record, I am not trying to erase her or take her place. I am not trying to take credit for the raising she has done. Any one who knows of our situation knows this. Any one who knows the older children would also know there is no way I could be their mother seeing how there is only a seven year difference between the eldest and myself.
I guess the reason I am writing this is that if I put it out there people can know they aren't alone. On either side of the situation. The problem with this is it is one sided, you don't have the perspective of the children and young adults involved and neither do I. With that lack of information I am sure there have been many times I have stepped on toes. For this reason that is why I have felt like my toes have been stepped on as well.
One thing I find intriguing is, everyone warns you when you marry that your spouse will be from a different upbringing, you both will have to meet in the middle. What I never realized is that when you marry into a premade family, you aren't just getting one different upbringing but as many as there are individuals. Everyone has a different understanding, a different way of dealing with things, even when they are raised by the same two individuals. Some of these differences come from age and experience, some from perspective and personal value. What ever it is, the same situation when presented can be understood so differently.
I should have noticed this before in my own up bringing. Each of my siblings and I have such different perspectives on how we were raised and things we experienced together, there are things I remember that my siblings don't and vice versa. we perceived things so differently it amazes me at times. But any way, continuing with the original purpose of this entry...
Life isn't all about me, I am finding that out more and more each day. With that being the case, can I put it out there that even though it isn't all about me, I do have feelings. Sometimes I react to those feelings rather than act on them as I should. But I do have feelings all the same. I do my best to remember that these children have feelings as well.
Sometimes I wish I could just put my feelings aside. I think it might make life easier. But then people would think I was insensitive. Sometimes I feel like it is lose, lose. Then I remember there is someone who experienced it all with me. That brings me comfort. Thank you for your time and have a good night.
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