Life's little Lessons

Here is a lesson I am being taught time and time again. The lesson is the importance of open communication.

Open communication does not just consist of being able to express one's self. No, it also means we need to...no, we have to be willing to listen. And then there is the part that becomes tricky, that is to be respectful. This one isn't only tricky because often times we feel like we are the one's in the right, but because it needs to go both ways. Thus both parties, or all parties need to posses this characteristic before this process can be accomplished.

I must preface this with the fact that I have married a man who has been blessed to be raised in a home where this was practiced in the day-to-day. Also that he has had to show quite a bit of patience in my direction.

When we first married it wasn't just the two of us. We have five children who were already in existence. They have already developed their opinions about many things. Too, they had developed a pattern in their daily living. I came along and felt like there were a lot of things that needed changing. Like many have learned, "it is hard to teach an old dog new tricks."

The first year of our marriage was the most difficult for everyone I believe, but I can only speak for myself. One of the greatest controversies was disciplining the children. As is in many relationships I believe, both parents are raised with different expectations and learning. In many cases the parents are able to discuss discipline before the children come along. However I have heard and seen that even with that prep time there are instances where one feels like he/she is compromising more than the other even after these discussions in the area of raising children.

So, back to me needing to change everything. I went about it wrong. Not because I had the intent of destroying children's lives but because a method had already been developed. Instead of gaining the respect I wanted, I was pushing the children away. My husband told me the goal should be to decide what was of most serious importance. Don't attack everything at once. Pick one thing and work on that for a bit. You want to keep ties open with the children so that as they get older they will be willing to, if not want, to talk to you about things that may be even more important in the future.

Through this there have been times I have been selfish and said things to jab at individuals. I have expressed things to my husband that were momentary feelings. Not necessarily nice. He has to been patient with me. By way of his patience I have learned how important it is to be patient myself and to often times put my pride aside. I have to admit I am wrong at times and other times let others figure out they are wrong. It isn't easy, and I have much to work on myself. I just thought I would put this out there.

P.S. Another thing I have learned is if I ignore people, not talk to them etc. I have a tendency to make things bigger than they really are in my mind. Then when I think I am over it and it comes up again, well, the bigness often times looks even bigger. Even though it hurts to talk because you feel like you are being ignored, or going to be hurt, many times I have found it is much less painful to just put it out there on the table for everyone to know.