Motherhood is a One-Time Deal

Tonight as I tucked my precious little children into bed I reminisced. First, of things not too far behind me. I was remembering a night a couple months ago. The baby was tired, but fought sleep until I thought it may have eluded us both. Finally with what felt like a possible eternity, he did fall a sleep. After tucking him in and returning to my bed, I found that sleep was not far from me after all.

It felt like only a moment after my head had hit the pillow, that my two year old awoke crying. I remember thinking "haven't I put in my time for today? I am so tired!" I then continued to lay in bed for a couple of moments hoping, almost praying that she would go back to sleep. She didn't. I arose to the a expectations I had willingly raised her to have. Dragging my 'weary' bones out of bed I went in and consoled her.

Succeeding this thought, my reminiscing went further back. I was three or four years of age. I was feeling total excitement because we had just got bunk beds! With being the oldest I pulled rank and had called dibs on the top bunk for myself. To say I was pleased would be a bit of an understatement. My sister seemed almost relieved that it wasn't hers, thus making it an all around a good situation. So I thought. Later I found that having the top bunk wasn't all that it'd been cracked up to be.

You know those dreams where you feel yourself falling and you just know you are going to die? Well, I remember having that dream and waking up with my face crammed into the air vent on my floor. I also remember my mother pulling me up into her arms before I had a chance to pick myself up. In this memory there was a bloody nose and my guilt of getting it on my mother's night gown. Along with that there is also the memory of her telling me everything would be OK, and not to be silly, her nightie would wash. When the tears had been wiped away, dried, hugs given and the bloody nose stopped my mother tucked me back in bed. She moved the protection bar to the head of my bed and I fell back in to a reasonably sound sleep.

My final thought of this process tonight was on my own attitude vs. my mothers attitude. My mother was there the moment she heard my cry. I don't remember how late it was or if my brother had come along yet. I can however, be sure that she was most likely tired herself.

In the day to day, I hope that I don't forget the fact that I have only one chance at being a mom. I won't get everything perfect every time. However in all my desires the greatest one is that my children know they are loved and first (next to their Father ) in my day to day.

Lately I have been finding myself thinking how great it would be to accomplishing all of these great things. You know, learn photography, crochet an afghan, scrap a scrapbook...the list is endless! All of these things would be left behind to show I lived right? But is this really the season for me to do all of those things?

In order to do so I would have to put my children on the back burner. I only have them for a short time! Before I know it they will be off to school, being influenced by others. Now is my time to instill in them values and a foundation to build their own testimonies on. It all seems so overwhelming when I think about it really. Then I am reminded, I have to take life only a day at a time. When that feels overwhelming, well, a moment at a time works just as well.